Auntie Em,| Hate you,| Hate Kansas,| Taking dog.|Dorothy
To do is to be -- Plato|To be is to do -- Socrates|Do be do be do -- Sinatra
To be is to do. -- I. Kant|To do is to be. -- A. Sartre|Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flinstone
x n| Se = f(u)
Postmen never die.|They just lose their zip.
"90% of this game is half mental" - Yogi Berra
"All new": Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive." -- Kehlog Albran
"But I don't like Spam!!!!"
"C.P.A.": Certified Public Assassin
"Compatible": Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
"Define UNIVERSE; give two examples."|| "The perceived world;| 1) mine,| 2) yours."
"Drawing on my fine command| of language, I said nothing."
"Drawing on my fine command|of language, I said nothing."
"Earth is a great funhouse without the fun." -- Jeff Berner
"East is east and west is west,|but if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce,|it tastes much more like prunes."
"Even the best of friends|cannot attend each other's funeral."|| -- Kehlog Albran
"Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it."
"Feel the Force flow through your body, Jedi!" - the Emperor
"Foolproof operation": No provision for adjustment.
"Have you lived here your entire life?"||"Not yet."
"He flung himself on his horse| and rode madly off in all directions..."
"He walks as if balancing| the family tree on his nose."
"Here at the Phone Company,|we serve all kinds of people;|from Presidents and Kings|to the scum of the earth..."
"Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!" -- W. C. Fields
"Hit me!", said the masochist.|"No!", said the sadist.
"I believe in world peace and in smashing two bricks together!"| -- Mr. Gumby
"I drink to make other people interesting." -- George Jean Nathan
"I hope the Russians love their children too." --Sting
"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more." -- Bill Hoest
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,|but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."|| -- Albert Einstein
"I will not go as far as saying that there is a mistake on each page,|but there are certainly more mistakes than there are pages."|| - Jim Joyce
"I've given up reading books;|I find it takes my mind off myself."
"I've given up reading books;| I find it takes my mind off myself."
"If God lived on Earth,|people would knock out all His windows."| -- Yiddish saying
"If I had only known,|I would have been a locksmith."|| -- Albert Einstein
"If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?"
"If it bleeds, we can kill it!" -- Arnold Swartzenegger
"If religion is the opiate of the masses, why ain't IT illegal too?"| -Sonny Barger
"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."| -- J. Paul Getty
"If you have to hate, hate gently"
"It is bad luck to be superstitious." -- Andrew W. Mathis
"It was a book to kill time| for those who liked it better dead."
"It's a penguin on the telly."
"It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either."| -- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
"Just once,|I wish we would encounter an alien menace|that wasn't immune to bullets"|| -- The Brigader, from Dr. Who
"MacDonald has the gift on compressing|the largest amount of words into the|smallest amount of thoughts."|| -- Winston Churchill
"Machine-independent": Does not run on any existing machine.
"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."
"My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies"
"New": Different color from previous model.
"No maintenance": Impossible to fix.
"Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong."
"Old" is needing a fire permit| for your birthday cake.
"One planet is all you get."
"One size fits all": Doesn't fit anyone.
"Portable": Survives system reboot.
"Rugged": Too heavy to lift.
"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."
"That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all."
"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands|so we could grab as much as we could with both of them."|| -- Major Major's father
"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?|If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune.|But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity."|| -- Benjamin Disraeli
"The more outrageous the lie,|the more readily it will be believed!"| -Joseph Goebbels, Nuremberg, 1934
"The way to make a small fortune in the|commodities market is to start with a large fortune."
"There are more ways of killing a cat| than choking her with cream."
"There are three possibilities:|Pioneer's solar panel has turned away from the sun;|there's a large meteor blocking transmission;|or someone loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor."
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." -- Mark Twain
"We can explain how it works internally.|If you already understand how it works,|you'd be better off not reading this ..."|| -- Peter Schulz
"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company."
"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
"When you are in it up to your ears,| keep your mouth shut."
"Why was I born with such contemporaries?" -- Oscar Wilde
"Worth seeing? Yes,| but not worth going to see."
"You'll never be the man your mother was!"
"Youth had been a habit of hers| so long that she could not part with it."
$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years|will become $100,000, at which time|it will be worth absolutely nothing.
'Home, Sweet Home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.
... and visions of macros dancing in my head.
1 bulls, 3 cows
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
24 empty tubes and a pile of nuclear rubble. Now it's Miller time.
28.35 grams of prevention are worth 0.45359 kilograms of cure.
43rd Law of Computing:| Anything that can go wr|||SAYINGS: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
60% of all mammalians are rodents - does this include you?
90% of this game is about half mental| -- Yogi Berra
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything,|but the cost of nothing.
A MAN A PLAN A CANAL PANAMA <---- (say it backwards)
A Puritan is someone who|is deathly afraid that|someone somewhere is having fun.
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
A baby is an alimentary canal|with a loud voice at one end|and no responsibility at the other.
A bad compromise is better than a good battle. -- Russian proverb
A billion here, a billion there-|pretty soon it adds up to real money!||- Everett Dirkson
A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. -- Cervantes
A bird in hand is better than one overhead.
A bird in the bush can't relieve itself in your hand.
A bird in the hand|makes it awfully hard|to blow your nose.
A bird in the hand|is worth what it will bring.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views|after we have enlightened him with ours.
A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
A career is a job that takes about|20 more hours a week.
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity.
A classic is something|that everybody wants to have read|and nobody wants to read.|| -- Mark Twain
A clean, neat, and orderly work place|is a sure sign of a sick mind.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A company is known by the people it employs.
A computer, to print out a fact,|Will divide, multiply, and subtract.|But this output can be|No more than debris,|If the input was short of exact.|| -- Gigo
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.|| --Dyer
A dark-haired person will change your life.
A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
A delay may work out to your advantage.
A diamond is just a lump of coal|that made good under pressure.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell|in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A dozen, a gross, and a score,|Plus three times the square root of four,|Divided by seven,|Plus five times eleven,|Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others. --Klipstein
A father is a banker provided by nature.
A fault recognized is half corrected.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
A friend is better than a dollar.
A generation which ignores|history has no past - and no future.
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. --Patton
A great idea needs landing gear,|not just wings.
A half hour of planning is worth eight hours of unguided effort.
A hammer sometimes misses its mark -- a bouquet never.
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
A hangover: the wrath of grapes.
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Sonja.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Mom.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to|decide who has the better lawyer.
A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
A king's castle is his home.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A liberal is someone|too poor to be a capitalist|and too rich to be a communist.
A limerick packs laughs anatomical|Into space that is quite economical.|But the good ones I've seen|So seldom are clean,|And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
A little Madness in the Spring,|Is wholesome even for the King.||- Emily Dickinson
A lost ounce of gold may be found,|a lost moment of time never.
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
A man of genius makes no mistakes.| His errors are volitional and are the|portals of discovery.
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A man's homeland is wherever he prospers.||- Aristophanes
A man's house is his hassle.
A meeting is...|an event at which the minutes are kept|and the hours are lost.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
A penny saved has not been spent.
A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
A person paints with his brains and not with his hands.
A pessimist complains about|the noise when opportunity knocks.
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. --George Wald
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
A problem found by solution is gone forever.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A programming language|that does not affect the way you think about programming|is not worth knowing.
A programming language is low-level|when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
A promise made is a debt unpaid||- William Shakespeare
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket|and rejoices that the system works.
A real person has two reasons for doing anything...|a good reason and the real reason.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A rose, by any other name would still have thorns.
A second class effort|is a first class mistake.
A ship in harbor is safe-|but that is not what ships are for.||- John A. Shedd
A signature always reveals a man's character-|and sometimes even his name.||- Evan Esar
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard| -- Prof. Steiner
A small good deed is better|than the grandest intention.
A smile is a curve|that can set alot|of things straight.
A soft drink turneth away company.
A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
A system meant for common use|should rarely need uncommon knowledge.|| --Redford
A thing not worth doing|isn't worth doing well.
A thing not worth doing is worth not doing well.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever.||- Keats
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
A very intelligent turtle|Found programming UNIX a hurdle| The system, you see,| Ran as slow as did he,|And that's not saying much for the turtle.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --Ziggy
A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without|getting nervous.
A wise man can see more from a mountain top|than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
A year spent in Artificial Intelligence|is enough to make one believe in God.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
AMAZING BUT TRUE...|There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were|spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
AMAZING BUT TRUE...|If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid|end to end across the Sahara Desert,|the smell would be absolutely awful.
APL is a write only language:|You can write programs in it,|but try and read them!
Abandon all hope, Ye who enter here.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
Able was I ere I saw Elba. -- Napoleon Bonaparte
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.| -- Herbert Hoover
Above all else - sky.
Above all things, reverence yourself.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. -- Sextus Aurelius
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
Accessories are everything.
Accident:|| A condition in which presence of mind is good,| but absence of body is better.
According to the latest official figures,|43% of all statistics are|totally worthless.
According to the latest official figures,|43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats.
Accuracy:|| The vice of being right
Acquaintance:|A person whom we know well enough to borrow from,|but not well enough to lend to.|| -- Ambrose Bierce
Acting is an art which consists of|keeping the audience from coughing.
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
Ad astra per aspera. (To the stars by aspiration.)
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.|(Add little to little, get big pile.)
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. --Brook
Adding manpower to a late|software project makes it later.||-- F. Brooks.
Admiration:|| Our polite recognition of another's| resemblance to ourselves.
Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery.
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Adult:|| One old enough to know better.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
After an instrument has been assembled,|extra components will be found on the bench.
After years of valiant effort, Francisco Franco is still dead.
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted|the morning.
Afternoon:|| That part of the day we spend worrying| about how we wasted the morning.
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
Age is a high|price to pay|for maturity.
Age isn't important|unless you're a cheese.
Air is water with holes in it
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
Airplanes are God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Airplanes from a system approach: input money, output noise.
Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.)||- Julius Caesar| after crossing the Rubicon
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
All cats are gray in the dark.||- Benjamin Franklin
All excellent things are as|difficult as they are rare.||- Benedict Spinoza
All great discoveries are made by mistake. --Young
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
All heiresses are beautiful. -- John Dryden
All in all it's just another brick in the wall...
All laws are simulations of reality. --John C. Lilly
All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities.| --Dawkins
All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
All people smile|in the same language.
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
All serious daring starts from within.||- Eudora Welty
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All that trembles doesn't fall. -- Russian proverb
All the brave men are in prison. -- Russian proverb
All the good ones are taken.
All the world's a stage|and the people on it are poorly rehearsed.
All work and no play,|will make you a manager.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence,|and then success is sure.||- Mark Twain
All you need to know is the user interface. --J. Redford
Although there may be an upper limit to intelligence, there is no|such lower limit.
Always yield to temptation,|for it may not pass your way again.
Ambiguity means telling the truth when you don't mean to.
Ambition is a poor excuse for|not having sense enough to be lazy.||- Charlie McCarthy
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
Among economists, the real world is often a special case. --Horngren
An American is a person who isn't afraid to|criticize the President - but is always|polite to traffic cops.
An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.| -- A. P. Herbert
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
An authority is somebody who can tell you|more about something than you really care to know.
An egotist is a person of low taste,|more interested in himself than in me.||- Ambrose Bierce
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
An example of hard water is ice.
An expert always has a great|reason for guessing wrong.
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
An honest politician is one who,|when bought, stays bought.
An idea is not responsible|for the people who believe in it.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
An optimist is someone who|tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.
An optimist laughs to forget.|A pessimist forgets to laugh.
An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction. --Booker
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. --Van Roy
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
And that's the way it is... --Walter Cronkite
And you may ask yourself,|Well...how did I get here?
Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
Anger kills.
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Anthony's Law of Force:|| Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:| Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible| corner of the workshop.||Corollary:| On the way to the corner,| any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
Anticipated events never live up to expectations.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Antonym:|| The opposite of the word| you're trying to think of.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse|will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Any given program:|| Once running, is obsolete.
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
Any given program:|| Will expand to fill all available resources.
Any illusion requires both time and space to be experienced.
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there. --Harris
Any program which runs right is obsolete.
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held|to discuss it. -- Mitchell
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
Any small object that is accidentally dropped|will hide under a larger object.
Any smoothly functioning technology|is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.
Any smoothly functioning technology|will have the appearance of magic.| --Clarke
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is|probably parked.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President|should on no account be allowed to do the job.| -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing
April hath put a spirit of|youth in every thing.||- William Shakespeare
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Are you going to be more interesting than you were yesterday?
Armadillo: to provide weapons to a Spanish pickle
Armadillo: possum on the half shell
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
As a goat herd learns his trade by goat,|so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
As a man thinks, he becomes.
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality,|they are not certain; and as far as they are certain,|they do not refer to reality.||- Einstein
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
As the trials of life continue to take their toll,|remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if God won't have you, the devil must.
Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls...|if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
Ask not what your country can do for you,| ask what you can do for your country. -- John F. Kennedy
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Atheist:|| A man with no invisible| means of support.
Auribus teneo lupum. (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Avoid temporary variables.
Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF.
Avoid unnecessary branches.
Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
Baaaaaby... -- The Late Elvis Presley.
Babies are god's opinion|that the world should go on.
Baby... -- The Late Elvis Presley.
Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal).
Barometer:|| An ingenious instrument which indicates| what kind of weather we are having.
Be alert.|America needs more lerts.
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
Be careful! Is it classified?
Be different: conform.
Be like a postage stamp- stick to|one thing until you get there.||- Josh Billings
Be prepared to go mad with fixed rule and method. -- Horace
Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Be sincere|-- even if you don't mean it.
Beam me up, Scotty. There is no intelligent life down here.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Been Transferred Lately?
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote|loud music.
Before a fight, two men are boasting; after the fight, only one.|-- Russian proverb
Before buying a piece of property, walk around its perimeter.
Before the accident, I couldn't even spell UNIX. And now,........
Begin in the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.|-- Lewis Carroll
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats. --O'Neill
Behind every good man is a nagging mother-in-law.
Behind every successful man:||A surprised mother-in-law.
Behind every successful woman: herself.
Being a New Yorker means never having to say "I'm Sorry".
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge. --Goethe
Benjamin Franklin died in 1790, and is still dead.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. --Chinese proverb
Better a girl has beauty than brains because boys see|better than they think.|| - Unknown
Better attitudes through chemistry.||- Bruce
Better clean death than dirty life. --Frank Herbert
Better is the enemy of good.
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
Better the first quarrel than the last. -- Russian proverb
Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool|than to speak and remove all doubt.
Better to use medicines at the outset|than at the last moment.
Better turn back than lose your way. -- Russian proverb
Between two evils,|I always pick the one I never tried before.||- Mae West.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. -- Virgil
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.||- Thoreau
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
Beware the new TTY code!
Big whorls have little whorls| Which feed on their velocity,|And little whorls have lesser whorls| And so on to viscosity. -- Lewis Richardson
Biggest security gap - an open mouth.
Biology grows on you.
Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic
Blame Saint Andreas - it's all his fault.
Blessed are they that run around in circles,|for they shall be known as wheels.
Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth.
Blessed are those who forgive for they shall be forgiven.
Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Bourgeois morality is largely a system of making|cheap virtues a cloak for expensive vices.||- George Bernard Shaw
Bowhunting - The Ultimate Challenge!
Bowling tonight
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Brain fried -- Core dumped
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Brain:|| The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Bumper sticker: "All the parts falling off this car are of the very|finest British manufacture"
Business will be either better or worse. --Calvin Coolidge
But I don't like Spam!!!!
By all means marry.||If you get a good wife, you will become very happy;|if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher| - and that is good for every man.||- Socrates
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
By failing to prepare,|you are preparing to fail.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading:|| Anytime you wish to demonstrate something,| the number of faults encountered is proportional| to the number of viewers.
C'est la vie.
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
Cabbage:|| A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable| about as large and wise as a man's head.
California is a fine place to live -|if you happen to be an orange.||- Fred Allen
Call For Help.
Call Jack Scott at x4758 for more information.
Can a dog simulate pain, or is it too honest?
Can you give up Catholicism for Lent?
Cannot fork -- try again.
Cannot open /usr/local/bin/fortunes.
Capitalism is the exploitation of one man by another;|socialism is the reverse.
Captain, the engines kinna take anymore!
Careful planning will|never replace dumb luck.
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer|to complete than expected; carefully planned projects|only twice as long.
Carpenters are just plane folks.
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch.
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you;|if you don't bet, you can't win.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
Chaste makes waste.
Chastity is its own punishment.
Cheap sex is better than no sex at all.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
Chess tonight
Chicken Little was right.
Chicken: the egg's way of making more eggs.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents|despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children seldom misquote you.|In fact, they usually repeat word for word|what you shouldn't have said.
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 1:|| If you explain so clearly that no one| can misunderstand, somebody will.
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 2:|| If you do something which you are sure| will meet with everyone's approval,| somebody won't like it.
Choose variable names that won't be confused.
Civilization is a method of|living, an attitude of equal|respect for all men.||- Jane Addams
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. --Gilb
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
Computers... are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity. --Thomas
Concentrate on security.
Condense soup, not books.
Condense soup, not books!
Confession is good for the soul,|but bad for the career.
Confucius say:||All work and no play|make one rich.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Conscience doth make cowards of us all. -- William Shakespeare
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking| -- H. L. Mencken
Conservative: One who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
Constant reorganization is the hallmark of a dynamic organization.
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
Conversation enriches the understanding,|but solitude is the soul of genius.
Conversation:|| A vocal competition in which the one who| is catching his breath is called the listener.
Core error -- bus dumped.
Could John Wayne have ever taken Normandy,|Iwo Jima, Korea, the Gulf of Tonkin,|and the entire Wild West|on a diet of quiche and salad?
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal,|if you are all thumbs.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal,|if you don't use your thumbs.
Courage is grace under pressure.
Courage is your greatest present need.
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Coward:|| One who in a perilous emergency| thinks with his legs.
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
Cutting remarks|don't cut any ice.
Cynic:|| One who looks through rose-colored glasses| with a jaundiced eye.
Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a computer!
Danger, Will Robinson! Proceed no further!
Danger, alien approaching!
Dawn:|| The time when men of reason go to bed.
Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death: To stop sinning suddenly.
Deliberation:|| The act of examining one's bread| to determine which side it is buttered on.
Demerdez vous (Muddle through) - French Foreign Legion motto
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people|are right more than half of the time.
Democracy is a form of government in which|it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country|could do under first-class management.||- Senator Soaper
Dentist: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth,|pulls coins out of one's pockets.| -- Ambrose Bierce
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
Deposit 25 cents at the tone.
Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Design a system any fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Despite the cost of living, it is still very popular.
Diets are for people who|are thick and tired of it.
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy"|until you can find a rock.
Diplomacy: The art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Disc space -- the final frontier!
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
Discretion is the better part of valor. -- William Shakespeare
Disk crisis, please clean up!
Disk crunch -- please clean up.
Do it today!||Tommorrow it will be bad|for your health or illegal.
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
Do not clog intellect's sluices|with knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not drink coffee in early A.M. It will keep you awake until noon.
Do not drink coffee in early A.M.|It will keep you awake until noon.
Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them. --Finagle
Do not overtax your powers.
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.|Violators will be prosecuted. (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do not worry about whether or not the sun will shine.|Just be prepared to enjoy it.
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Do something. Either lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way.
Do unto others, then split.
Do unto others|as though you were the other.
Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
Do you always hit the nail|right on the thumb?
Do you always believe what a computer tells you?
Do you have mail?
Do you read me?
Do you really want to know what I think of you?
Do, or do not; there is no try.
Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming ...
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Dogs do not dislike poor families.
Don's Axiom:|| When all else fails,| read the instructions.
Don't Worry, Be Happy. --Meher Baba
Don't be humble, you're not that great.
Don't be mad about growing old,|some aren't that lucky.
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't blame me, Steve's doing backups.
Don't blame me, Jack's doing backups.
Don't blame me, Marvin's doing backups.
Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
Don't comment bad code-- rewrite it.
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
Don't confuse things that need action|with those that take care of themselves.
Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a better algorithm.
Don't document the program; program the document.
Don't eat the yellow snow.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't force it, use a sledge hammer.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
Don't gamble with security.
Don't get discouraged...|no one is perfickt.
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
Don't get yourself involved with|persons or situations that can't bear inspection.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't guess - check your security regulations.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Don't keep doing what doesn't work.
Don't kid yourself. You're ugly!
Don't kid yourself. Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam.
Don't let school interfere with your education.
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
Don't patch bad code -- rewrite it.
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today,|because if you enjoy it today|you can do it again tomorrow.
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Don't stop at one bug.
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
Don't teach your children what to think;|just teach them to think.| --Tannenbaum
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't tell me what you dreamt last night for I've been reading Freud.
Don't tell any big lies today.|Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't try to have the last word.|You might get it.
Don't use no double negatives, not never.
Don't worry; the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
Don't worry if it doesn't work right.|If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
Don't worry over what other people|are thinking about you. They're too busy|worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Don't wrestle a pig in a mud hole.|You both get all dirty, and the pig enjoys it.
Down with categorical imperatives!
Down with categorical imperative!
Draft beer, not people
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Drew's Law of Highway Biology:| The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands| directly in front of your eyes.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Drugs are for people who can't handle reality.
Ducks? What ducks??
Duct tape is like the force.|It has a light side, and a dark side,|and it holds the universe together...| -- Carl Zwanzig
Duct tape is like the force.|It has a light side, a dark side,|and it holds the universe together....||- Carl Zwanzig
Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders|has been discontinued.
Due to a shortage of devoted followers,|the production of great leaders has been discontinued.
Due to lack of interest, today has been cancelled.
Due to popular demand, you have been awarded the day off.
E Pluribus Unix
Early to bed makes you|healthy, wealthy and boring.
Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- Film at eleven.
Easier to rule a nation than a son.
Eat yogurt and get culture.
Economics is called the dismal science,|but that's just because most economists are dismal scientists.
Economy makes men independent.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor.
Education's purpose is to replace an|empty mind with an open one.||- Malcom S. Forbes
Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak...
Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
Electricity travels a foot in a nanosecond.||- Commodore Grace Murray Hopper, USN
Elevators smell different to midgets
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
English spoken here.
Enjoy life; you could have been a barnacle.
Enter freely and of your own will.
Entering Jersey City.
Entering Kearny.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which|otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin
Eschew clever rules.||- Jon Condon, Bell Labs
Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it.
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even if the story isn't true, it|does have a grain of sense and|instruction to it, and it's entertaining|as well, so it's worth the telling.
Even the boldest zebra|fears the hungry lion.
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Even the smallest candle|burns brighter in the dark.
Ever notice that even the busiest people|are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are.
Ever stop to think|and then forget to start again?
Ever think about the fact|that thorn bushes have roses?
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Every bug you find is the last one.
Every man is a volume,|if you know how to read him.
Every nation has the government it deserves.
Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
Every program is a part of some other program and rarely fits.
Every purchase has its price.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every silver lining has a cloud inside it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Every successful person has had|failures but repeated failure is|no guarantee of eventual success.
Every time I lose weight,|it finds me again.
Every time I lose weight,|It finds me again!
Every why hath a wherefore.
Everybody has something to conceal. --Humphrey Bogart
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
Everybody ought to have a friend.
Everybody ought to have a maid.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everyone complains of his memory,|no one of his judgment.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everyone is in the best seat. --John Cage
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
Everything changes but change itself. --John F. Kennedy
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
Everything expands to fill the available space.
Everything you know is wrong!
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike office water cooler.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget. --Miller
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Experience should be a guide post,|but not a hitching post.
Experience is that marvelous thing|that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.| -- F. P. Jones
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experiments should be reproducible,|they should all fail in the same way.
Expertise in one field does not|carry over into other fields.|But experts often think so.
External Security:
F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a drn!.
FLASH! Intelligence of mankind decreasing. Details at ... uh, when|the little hand is on the ....
Fact:||Red lights always last|longer than green ones.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
Failure teaches success.
Faith goes out through the window|when beauty comes in at the door.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds.
Families, when a child is born|Want it to be intelligent.|I, through intelligence,|Having wrecked my whole life,|Only hope the baby will prove|Ignorant and stupid.|Then he will crown a tranquil life By becoming a Cabinet Minister| -- Su Tung-p'o
Famous last words:
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth|it is to spend a quiet youth.
Fashion is a form of ugliness|so intolerable that we have|to alter it every six months.||- Oscar Wilde
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, boy!
Fats Loves Madelyn
Fear has big eyes. -- Russian proverb
Federal Reserve: A reserve where federal employees hunt wild game.
Few people are successful unless|a lot of other people want them to be.||- Charles Brower
Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity.
Finagle's First Law:|| If an experiment works,| something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Fourth Law:|| Once a job is messed up, anything done| to improve it makes it worse.
Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
Finagle's fourth Law:| Once a job is fouled up,| anything done to improve it| only makes it worse.
Finagle's second Law:||No matter what the anticipated result,|there will always be someone eager to| (a) misinterpret it,| (b) fake it, or| (c) believe it happened according to his own pet theory.
Find Jesus Christ and you'll find true life!
Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition. --Arnold Glasow
Find time to work smarter.
Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
First Law of Advice:|| The correct advice is| to give the advice| that is desired.
Flee at once, all is discovered.
Flying is not inherently dangerous. Crashing is.
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. --Scotti
Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Geniuses remove it.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. -- Alexander Pope
Fools shoot, but God directs the bullets. -- Russian proverb
For a good time, call 555-3100.
For every complex problem,|there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.| -- H. L. Mencken
For those of you who think life is a joke,|just think of the punchline.
Forget it. Work is useless today. Go to Hooter's and ogle the babes.
Forgive and forget. -- Cervantes
Forgive your enemies,|but never forget their names.
Fork, fork, fork. Is that ALL you want from me?
Fortune truly helps those|who are of good judgment.
Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
Found on a door in the MSU music building:|This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.|(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
Freedom is doing what you like.|Happiness liking what you do.
Friction is a drag.
Friends are people|you can be quiet with.
Friends: People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Friends: People who know you well, but like you anyway.
From listening comes wisdom|and from speaking repentance.
From uucp Mon Dec 3 21:05:46 1979
Furious activity is|no substitute for understanding.||- H. H. Williams
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Garter: An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her|stockings and desolating the country.
Gee I've seen that pattern in wallpaper before, but never clothes.
Gee, with all that stuff, there must be a pony in there somewhere.
General notions are generally wrong.
Genetics explains why you|look like your father,|and if you don't, why you should.
Genius is an infinite|capacity for taking pains.||- Jane Ellice Hopkins
Genius is the infinite capacity for picking brains.
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.| -- Elbert Hubbard
George Orwell was an optimist.
Gestation's a bitch, then you're born.
Get away, boy. You bother me.
Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to|a new town.
Give what you have.|To someone it may be better|than you dare to think.||- Longfellow
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Go home. You look like you had a long, hard night.
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,|and remember what value there may be|in owning a piece thereof.
God does not play dice with the universe. --Albert Einstein
God does not play dice with the universe.||- Einstein
God does not play at dice.
God forbid that I should be|out of debt, as if, indeed I|could not be trusted.||- Rebelais
God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can choose our friends.
God helps them that help themselves. -- Benjamin Franklin
God is not dead; YOU just won't listen.
God is not dead; He is only swapped out.
God is real, unless declared integer.
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. --Alfred Jarry
God made the world analog, and to slide rule accuracy!
God made this world; man made the mess of it!
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
God must love the common man: He made so many of them.
Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney| 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.
Gone today, gone tomorrow.
Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase.
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Good grief, Charlie Brown! -- Linus
Good intentions randomize behavior.
Good judgment comes from experience,|and experience comes from bad judgment.||- Fred Brooks| University of North Carolina
Good news is no news.
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Got Mole problems? Call Avogadro 6.02 x 10^23
Government expands to fill the available revenue, and then some.
Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.
Graft: An illegal means of uniting trees to make money.
Grandpa Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn| to drive.
Gravity is what you get when you eat too much and too fast.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
Great minds discuss ideas;|small ones, people.
Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.
Group meeting in 3 minutes.
Gumperson's Law:|| The probability of anything happening| is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Hackers of the world, unite!
Hail to the sun god|He sure is a fun god|Ra! Ra! Ra!
Half Moon tonight. (At least its better than no Moon at all.)
Handle yourself with your head,|handle others with your heart
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
Happiness is a warm boot.
Happiness is a warm boot to the head.
Happiness means never having to say "Start over".
Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they are lucky.
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style. --Daniel Dennett
Harvard Law:| Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,| temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the| organism will do as it damn well pleases.
Haste makes waste.
Hate the sin and love the sinner. --Mahatma Gandhi
Have you ever considered another profession?
Have you locked your file cabinet?
Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy,|vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
Having children will turn you into your parents.
He is happiest who hath power|to gather wisdom from a flower.||- Mary Howitt
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He is now rising from affluence to poverty. -- Mark Twain
He is truly wise who gains|wisdom from another's mishap.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
He that can have patience|can have what he will.||- Benjamin Franklin
He that is a donkey and believes himself a deer|finds out his mistake at the leaping of the ditch.
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who dies with the most toys, wins.
He who falls in love with himself|will have no rivals.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who has imagination|without learning has wings but no feet.
He who hates vices hates mankind.
He who hesitates is lost.
He who hesitates is pretty smart|when you're talking about jumping off cliffs.
He who hesitates is frost. - Eskimo proverb
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
He who hesitates is . . . .
He who is good for making excuses|is seldom good for anything else.
He who knows all the answers|is never asked the questions.
He who laughs, lasts.
He who laughs last|probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
He's dead Jim.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Heat expands: in the summer the days are longer.
Heisenberg may have been here.
Hell is empty and all the devils are here. [The Tempest]
Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
Help me Obiwan Kenobi,|you're my only hope.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
Here comes the orator,|with his flood of words|and his drop of reason.
Hey, you screwed up. You trusted me.
Hindsight is an exact science.
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
History books which contain|no lies are extremely dull.
History doesn't repeat itself.|Historians merely repeat each other.
History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history.
Hoboken Keep Left.
Hockey tonight
Home is the nicest place you will ever go.
Honesty is better than lying.
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
Horse sense is the thing a horse|has which keeps it from betting on people.||- W.C. Fields
Hot dogs are best|when served with a ballgame.
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
Houdini's escaping from New Jersey!
How De Do Dat?
How can a man die with|sage in his garden?
How can you work when the system's so crowded?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How does it feel to receive a spear head?
How many "coming men" has one known!|Where on earth do they all go to?
How many programmers does it take to change a flat tire?|None. It's a hardware problem!
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How much would you pay for the secrets of the universe?|But wait!|You also get a combination spaghetti pot and clam steamer.|Now how much would you pay?
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
How untasteful can you get?
How was Thomas J. Watson buried? 9 edge down.
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
How you look depends on where you go.
Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
Humans are not rational beings; they are rationalizing beings.
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
Humor is the best antidote to reality.
Hurewitz's Memory Principle:| The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional| to.....to........uh..............
I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
I am not arguing with you -- I am telling you.
I can resist anything but temptation.
I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh
I disagree with what you say,|but will defend to the death your right|to tell such LIES!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. -- Isaac Asimov
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
I don't have any solution|but I certainly admire the problem.||- Ashleigh Brilliant
I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game. --Cash McCall
I don't make much sense because the rest of the world doesn't either.
I don't mind being the BUTZ of your jokes.
I drink, therefore I am.
I get no respect.
I hate quotations. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have a problem.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.| -- Kehlog Albran
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I just love it when problems are solved.
I keep drinking to forget,|but then in my briefcase there's this Day-Planner...
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys|were a toaster and a radio.|| - Joan Rivers
I like competition, as long as I win.
I like the word `indolence.'|It makes my laziness seem classy.||- Bern Williams
I like to leave messages before the beep.
I like to skate on the other side of the ice.
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
I live to run, pants Madonna
I love New Jersey because cancer is a living thing.
I love New Jersey because acid rain doesn't bother me.
I love Unix because ... OK, I give up.
I love my job; it's the work I can't stand.
I may not be totally perfect,|but parts of me are excellent.||- Ashleigh Brilliant
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
I never met a man I didn't like.||- Will Rogers
I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time.| -- Steven Wright
I really hate this damned machine|I wish that they would sell it.|It never does quite what I want|But only what I tell it.
I sold my memoirs of my love life|to Parker Brothers and they are|going to make a game out of it.|| - Woody Allen
I spilled spot remover on my dog.....now he's gone.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.|| - Woody Allen
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
I want to achieve immortality through not dying. --Woody Allen
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly.|I said I don't know.||- Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.|I said I didn't know.| -- Mark Twain
I will never lie to you.
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
I work--other people call it art.
I would have invented the hupcap but some kid stole my idea.
I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead|that scares the shit out of me. -- R. Geis
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!
I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK, I sleeps all night and I works all day.
I'm a great believer in luck.|The harder I work the more I have of it.||- Thomas Jefferson
I'm an old-fashioned guy.|The other night, four girls wanted to take me home.|I said, 'Ladies. I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy.| One of you has got to go.'
I'm fascinated too....right here on the arm.
I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? --Harold Urey
I'm no ashamed : Madonna.
I'm not afraid to die.|I just don't want to be there when it happens.|| - Woody Allen
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.|It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I'm opposed to millionaires, but|it would be dangerous to offer me the position.||- Mark Twain
I've already told you more than I know.
IOT trap -- mos dumped
IOT trap -- core dumped
Idealism increases in proportion|to the distance from the problem.
Identify your visitor.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.| -- Roy Santoro
If God had not given us sticky tape,|it would have been necessary to invent it.
If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
If God had intended man to fly,|He would have given him a bigger bank account.
If God had intended man to have computers,|he would have given him 16 fingers.
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
If I had only known,|I would have been a locksmith.||- Albert Einstein
If I melt dry ice, can I swim in it without getting wet?
If Reagan is the answer, it must have been a VERY silly question.
If a program is useful,|it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless,|it will have to be documented.
If a program is useful, it must be changed.
If a program is useless,|it will have to be documented.
If a program is useless, it must be documented.
If a program is useful,|it will have to be changed.
If a rabbit's foot is so lucky,|what happened to the rabbit?
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
If a string has one end, then it has another end.
If a string has one end, then it has another end. (Usually)
If a system doesn't have to be reliable,|it can do anything else.||- H. H. Williams
If all be true that I do think,|There be Five Reasons why one should Drink;|Good friends, good wine, or being dry,|Or lest we should be by-and-by,|Or any other reason why.
If all the year were playing holidays,|to sport would be as tedious as to work.||- Wm Shakespeare
If anyhting can go worng, it will.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If at first you don't succeed,|you'll get lots of advice.
If at first you don't succeed,|you're doing about average.
If at first you don't succeed,|try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, get new batteries.
If at first you don't succeed,|you'll get lots of advice.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
If at first you don't succeed,|give up; no use being a damn fool.
If at first you don't succeed,|give up; no use being a damn fool.
If at first you don't succeed,|try something else.
If at first you do succeed, quit trying. -- Frank McKinney Hubbard
If at first you don't succeed, punt.
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
If computers take over (which seems to be|their natural tendency), it will serve us right.||- Alistair Cooke.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee| -- that will do them in. - Bradley
If debugging is the process of removing bugs,|then programming must be the process of putting them in.
If flies couldn't fly, would they be called walks?
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.||- Ronald Reagan
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
If it weren't for pickpockets,|I'd have no sex life at all.|| - Rodney Dangerfield
If it works, don't fix it. --Sam Rayburn
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
If little else, the brain|is an educational toy.||- Tom Robbins
If nobody measures up,|check your yardstick.
If one does not fail at times,|then one has not challenged himself.||- Dr. Porsche
If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one will become injured.
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment|without having to accomplish anything.
If people listened to themselves more often,|they'd talk less.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If some people didn't tell you,|you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If someone had told me|I would be Pope one day,|I would have studied harder.||- Pope John Paul I
If the auto industry had done|what the computer industry has done in the past 30 years,|a Rolls Royce would cost $2.50|and would get 2,000,000 miles per gallon.
If the master dies and the disciple grieves,|the lives of both have been wasted.
If the ship's not sinking, the rats must be the ones not leaving.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? -- Art Hoppe
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
If we do not change our direction|we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we don't survive, we don't do anything else. --John Sinclair
If we knew where we were going to fall,|we could have spread a carpet there.| --Russian proverb
If we knew what the hell we were doing, then it wouldn't be research.
If we learn for each success, and each failure,|and improve ourselves through this process,|then, at the end, we will have fulfilled our|potential and performed well.||- Dr. Porsche
If you always postpone pleasure|you will never have it.
If you are tired of a friend, lend him money. -- Russian proverb
If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
If you can spend a perfectly useless|afternoon in a perfectly useless manner,|you have learned how to live.||- Lin Yutang
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS.
If you can't tell the difference, there is no difference.
If you can't write it right, you can't think it right.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. --Truman
If you continually give|you will continually have.
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
If you fool around with something long enough, it will finally break.
If you have too many special cases,|you are doing it wrong.||- Craig Zerouni, Computer FX Ltd.
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you itch for it,|scratch for it.
If you knew what Mona Lisa knew, you'd smile too.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you.||- Perry Farrar
If you love life,|it will love you back.
If you make a mistake you right|it immediately to the best of your ability.
If you make people think they're thinking,|they'll love you; but if you really make|them think they'll hate you.
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break. --Schmidt
If you put your supper dish to your ear|you can hear the sounds of a restaurant.||- Snoopy
If you seem to know what you are doing, you'll be given more to do.
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
If you think you must find|someone worthy of your love,|you never will.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive,|try missing a couple of car payments.| -- Earl Wilson
If you think|you have no faults,|that makes one.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
If you think|you have no faults,|that makes one.
If you want a fortune, go to a Chinese restaurant.
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy,|tell it not to a friend.
If you're happy, you're successful.
If you've seen one redwood you've seen them all. --Ronald Reagan
If your feet smell and your nose runs - you're built upside down.
If your legs bent the other way, what would a chair look like?
Ignorance doesn't kill you, but|it makes you sweat a lot.||- Haitian Proverb
Ignorance is bliss. -- Thomas Gray
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
Ignorance is a lack of knowledge. Stupidity is ignorance with pride.
Ignore previous fortune.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. --Einstein
Imagination is the one weapon|in the war against reality.||- Jules de Gaultier
Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
Imports are ports very far inland.
In Case of Fire|... yell "FIRE".
In GOD we trust|-- all others require a thorough credit check.
In God we trust; all else we walk through.
In a family argument,|if it turns out you are right -|apologize at once!
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
In case of doubt,|make it sound convincing.
In matters of conscience,|the law of majority has no place.||- Mohandas Gandhi
In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.| --Alan Kay
In the first place, God made idiots.|This was for practice; then He made school boards.| -- Mark Twain
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
In times like these, it helps to|recall that there have always been|times like these.||- Paul Harvey
In unanimity there is cowardice and uncritical thinking.
In wickedness there is a strong strain toward rationality.
Incompetence knows no barriers|of time or place.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Individualists unite!
Information that is hard to access is worth less than none at all.
Ingrate:|| A man who bites the hand that feeds him,| and then complains of indigestion.
Innovate or abdicate!
Innovation is hard to schedule. --Dan Fylstra
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Inside every big problem is|a small problem trying to get out.
Institute: An archaic school where football is not taught.
Integrity has no need for rules.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Internal consistency is|more highly valued than efficiency.
Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can tolerate. --McGinley
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
Is fun loving the same thing as loving fun?
Is it time for lunch yet?
Is this really happening?
It IS okay to beat a co-op, isn't it?
It ain't braggin' if you can do it.
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It is a bad plan that admits of no modification. -- Publilius Syrus
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It is bad luck to be superstitious. -- Andrew W. Mathis
It is bad luck to be superstitious.||- Andrew W. Mathis
It is better to have loved a short man|than never to have loved a tall.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is easier to write an incorrect program|than to understand a correct one.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It is far better to be deceived|than to be undeceived by those we love.
It is impossible to get anywhere|without sinning against reason.||- Einstein
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly|unless one has plenty of work to do.
It is morally wrong|to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is much easier to suggest solutions|when you know nothing about the problem.
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal
It is not enough to have a good mind.|The main thing is to use it well.||- Descartes
It is not honest to be tactful. --Robert Taft
It is not only what we do, but|also what we do not do|for which we are accountable.||- Moliere
It is one of the superstitions of the human mind|to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.| -- Voltaire
It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.
It is sometimes better to remain silent and be thought a fool|than to speak and remove all doubt.
It is the business of the future|to be dangerous.||- Hawkwind
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
It isn't the whistle|that moves the train.
It may have been a small step for Neil, but it's a giant leap for me.| -- Alan Shepherd
It seems like the less a statesman|amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.|| - Unknown
It takes both a weapon,|and two people, to commit a murder.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
It was hell, recalls former child.
It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
It's a dog-eat-dog world....and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
It's a good thing we don't|get all the government we pay for.||- Will Rogers
It's a penguin on the telly.
It's a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's all in your mind, you know...
It's always easy to see both sides|of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
It's amazing how much one person can do, little by little, over time.
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom"|resembles being too tired.
It's better to look good than to feel good.
It's better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It's better to have loved and lost -- much better.
It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's better to wear out than to rust out.
It's difficult to be depressed while you're doing something.
It's difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
It's easier to do good than be good.
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It's easier to apologize than to ask permission. --Stewart
It's easier to run down a hill than up one.
It's easy to suggest the solution|when you don't know the problem.
It's good to be king. --- Henry VIII
It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
It's later than you think.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
It's not the having, it's the getting.
It's not that I'm afraid to die.|I just don't want to be there when it happens.| -- Woody Allen.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how good you look.
It's one o'clock and time for lunch.|Dum de dum de dee ...
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness;|poverty and wealth have both failed.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
It's sweet to be remembered,|but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
It's ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
It's the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
Its hard to be graceful|getting off your high horse.
J'ai un probleme.
Jargon is used as a means of|succeeding by not simplifying.
Je n'aime pas le jambon !!!!
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
Jones' Motto:|| Friends may come and go,| but enemies accumulate.
Judge people by what they are,|not where they are.
Just because the bells are ringing,|it is not necessarily dinner time.| -- Russian proverb
Just because there have been no complaints|does not mean there are no defective parachutes.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
Just remember. No matter where you go, there you are.
Just take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
Justice:|| A decision in your favor.
Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Keep grandmothers off the streets - legalize bingo.
Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down.
Keep your words soft and sweet,|in case you have to eat them.
Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design. Unlike most|automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gage, nor any of the|numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver. Rather, if the|driver makes any mistake, a giant "?" lights up in the center of the|dashboard. "The experienced driver", he says, "will usually know|what's wrong."
Kin:|| An affliction of the blood.
Kindness is like a boomerang:|it always comes back.
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
Kitman's Law:|| Pure drivel tends| to drive away ordinary drivel.
Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
Kleptomaniac: A rich thief.
Know Thy User.
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
Knowledge is better than ignorance.
Knowledge is knowing that you don't know.
LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
La vache qui rit est jolie.|(Laughing cows are pretty.)
Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
Lackland's Laws:| 1. Never be first.| 2. Never be last.| 3. Never volunteer for anything
Last guys don't finish nice.
Last night everything on your desk was stolen and replaced with an|exact duplicate.
Last one out, turn off the computer!
Laugh, and the world ignores you.|Crying doesn't help either.
Laughter: the no side-effect tranquilizer.
Law of Communications:|| The result of improved and enlarged| communications is a vastly increased| area of misunderstanding.
Leapin lizards, Batman, its the Catwoman!
Leapin lizards, Batman, its the Joker!
Leapin lizards, Batman, its the Riddler!
Leapin lizards, Batman, its the Penguin!
Learn good things -- the bad ones will teach you by themselves.| -- Russian proverb
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
Learning isn't a means to an end;|it is an end in itself.||- Robert A. Heinlein
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Lend money to a bad debtor|and he will hate you.
Lest men suspect your tale untrue,|Keep probability in view.||-- John Gay (1727)
Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let a fool hold his tongue|and he will pass for a sage.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let sleeping dogs lie. -- Charles Dickens
Let the machine do the dirty work.
Let the wookie win.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
Let your conscience be your guide. -- Alexander Pope
Let's capture that and build on it. - URC
Leveraging always beats prototyping.
Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Liberalize the gun laws...give all pets rifles.
Lie:|| A very poor substitute for the truth,| but the only one discovered to date.
Lieberman's Law:| Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Life and liberty are safe|only when congress is in recess.
Life as we know it doesn't exist.
Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.| -- John Cougar Mellencamp
Life has a value only when it|has something valuable as its object.||- Hegel
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
Life is a horse:||either you ride it|or it rides you.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
Life is full of little surprises, and you are one of them.
Life is like a sewer...|What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Life is like a fountain... I'll tell you how when I figure it out.
Life is like a diaper - short and loaded.
Life is like an analogy.
Life is not a dress rehersal.
Life is only understood backward,|but must be lived forward.
Life is the urge to ecstasy.
Life is the childhood of our immortality. --Goethe
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.| --J. Lennon
Life itself is a race, marked by a start,|and a finish. It is what we learn during|the race, and how we apply it, that|determines whether our participation|has had particular value.||- Dr. Porsche
Life need not be a zero-sum game.
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,|so do our minutes hasten to their end.||- William Shakespeare
Like punning, programming is a play on words.
Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made|sense from things she found in gift shops. -- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!
Live a clean, healthy life and you will soon die of boredom.
Live and scratch -- when you're dead, the itching will stop.| -- Russian proverb
Live every day like it is your last ... One day you'll be right.
Live with Grace. If you can find her.
Live with grace.
Living in Hollywood is like living in a bowl of granola.|What ain't fruits and nuts is flakes.
Logic doesn't apply to the real world. --Marvin Minsky
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.
Long life is in store for you.
Look before you leap. -- Samuel Butler
Looks pretty butch to me.
Lord Falkland's Rule:|| When it is not necessary to make a decision,| it is necessary not to make a decision.
Love and scandal are|the best sweeteners of tea.
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.||- William Shakespeare
Love conquers all things. -- Virgil
Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Love is sentimental measles.
Love is the only game not called on account of darkness.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Love isn't that difficult--if it is,|then you are taking yourself too seriously.
Love the sea? I dote upon it - from the beach.
Love truth, pardon error. --Voltaire
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
MS-DOS - Just Say No
MS-DOS - Just Say Abort, Retry, Ignore
Mad:|| Affected with a high degree| of intellectual independence
Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
Make a living,|but make room for life.
Make input easy to proofread.
Make it right before you make it faster.
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
Make sure comments and code agree.
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
Make the most of yourself, cause that's all there is of you.
Making rules is easy, but living by them is virtually impossible.
Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world|that he was compelled to invent laughter.
Man and wife make one fool.
Man belongs wherever he wants to go. --Wernher von Braun
Man is the measure of all things. --Protagoras
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Man's reach must exceed his grasp, for why else the heavens?
Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
Manual Writer's Creed: Garbage in, gospel out.
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.
Many are called, few volunteer.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Many pages make a thick book.
Many receive advice, few profit from it.
Marriage -- a game to see who can cheat the most.
Marriage -- a three ring circus:|engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Mathematicians do it in theory.
Mathematicians take it to the limit.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. -- Jules Feiffer
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
May you live in interesting times. --Chinese curse
May you live all the days of your life.
May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a|Thousand Caramels.
Me thinks the man protests too much. -- Shakespeare
Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut with an axe. --Ray
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
Menu:|| A list of dishes which the| restaurant has just run out of.
Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
Micro Credo: Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
Microwave Fireplace - you can spend an evening in front of the fire in|eight minutes.
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
Minds are like parachutes.|They only work when they're open.
Minds are like parachutes.|They only function when fully open.|| --Sir James Dewar
Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
Misery loves company,|but company does not reciprocate.
Misfortune:|| The kind of fortune that never misses.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistakes are oft|the stepping stones to failure.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
Modesty: Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
Momentum is what you give a person when they are going away.
Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
Monday: The day after the baseball game.
Monday:|| In Christian countries,| the day after the football game.
Money cannot buy love,|nor even friendship.
Money is like a promise,|easier made than kept.
Money is the root of all evil,|but man needs roots.
Money is the root of all evil,|and man needs roots.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is truthful.|If a man speaks of his honor,|make him pay cash.
Money may buy friendship|but money cannot buy love.
Money will say more in one moment|than the most eloquent lover can in years.
Moral:|| Design before you implement.
Morality is a disease which progresses|in three stages: virtue-boredom-syphilis.||-Karl Kraus
Most people find the concept of programming obvious,|but the doing impossible.
Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.| -- Frank Zappa
Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.
Most people deserve each other. --Shirley
Mother Earth is not flat!
Mountain range: A cooking stove used at high altitudes.
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
Murphy was an optometrist.
Murphy's Law was not propounded by Murphy,|but by another man of the same name.
Musicians are just playin' folks.
My dog ate it.
My interest is in the future|because I am going to spend|the rest of my life there.
My last job was a narrator for bad mimes.
My last job was proofreader for a skywriting company.
My last job was proofreader for M&M's.
My mind is going Dave, I can feel it!
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opponent's best move is my best move.
Naive you are|If you believe|Life favours those|Who aren't naive.
National security is in your hands -- guard it well.
Nature has given us two ears, two eyes, and but one tongue;|to that end that we should hear and see more than we speak.||- Socrates
Nature teaches beasts to know their friends.
Necessity is a mother.
Neckties strangle clear thinking. --Lin Yutang
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature".|He may not have one.
Never assume villany when mere incompetence suffices.
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Never buy from a rich salesman. --Goldenstern
Never call a man a fool;|borrow from him.
Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
Never drink and drive. You might spill your drink.
Never eat more than you can lift.|| - Miss Piggy
Never give an inch!
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth. -- Saint Jerome
Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.
Never put off to tomorrow|what you don't really need to do|in the first place.
Never put off till tomorrow|what you can avoid all together.
Never say you know a man until|you have divided an inheritance with him.
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.
Never test for an error condition|you don't know how to handle.
Never test for an error condition|you don't know how to handle.|| --Steinbach
Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
Never try to outstubborn a cat. -- Lazarus Long
Never underestimate|the power of human stupidity.
Never verb your nouns.
Never volunteer for anything. --Lackland
Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
Never write software that patronizes the user.
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
Nice computers don't go down.
Nice guys finish last. -- Leo Durocher
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
No Turns.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
No civilized person ever goes to bed the same day he gets up.
No directory.
No evil can happen to a good man. -- Plato
No generalization is true-|not even this one.
No guts, no glory.
No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
No man is good enough to govern another without that others' consent.| -- Abraham Lincoln
No man lives long enough to read his obituary.
No matter where you go ... There you are.
No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.
No matter what we are talking about, we are talking about ourselves.| --Prather
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
No one can get ahead of you when|they're kicking you in the rear.
No one else pays attention to you, so why should I?
No one ever listened himself out of a job.||- Calvin Coolidge
No one really knows the detailed workings of everything around them.| --Redford
No one understands anything that isn't funny.
No one understands everything, and no one needs to. --J. Redford
No pain, no pain.
No pain, no gain.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
No problem.
No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
No quality, no sales, no jobs.
No question is so difficult as that to which the answer is obvious.
No use beating a dead horse.
No, you haven't lost your mind...I'm sure it's backed up somewhere.
Nobody can be as agreeable|as an uninvited guest.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Nobody wants constructive criticism. It's all we can do to put up with|constructive praise.
Non Illegitemus Carborundum. (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
Nonsense. Space is blue and birds fly through it. --Heisenberg
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
Not only does God play dice with the universe,|but sometimes he throws them where they cannot be seen.||- Stephen Hawking
Not only is the Universe stranger than we think,|it is stranger than we can think.||- Werner Heisenberg
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing astonishes men so much|as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.||- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing can be done in one trip. --Snider
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
Nothing endures like change. -- Heraclitus
Nothing great was ever|achieved without enthusiasm.||- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Nothing increases|your golf score|like witnesses.
Nothing is impossible for the man|who doesn't have to do it himself.|| --Weller
Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.| -- Andrew Young
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. -- Tussman
Nothing is impossible for the man|who doesn't have to do it himself.
Nothing recedes like success. -- Walter Winchell
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
November: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
Now I lay me down to sleep|I pray the double lock will keep;|May no brick through the window break,|And, no one rob me till I awake.
Now and then an innocent man|is sent to the legislature.
Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
O'Toole's dictum: "Murphy was an optimist."
OXYMORON - A Contradictory Phrase|Example: University of Georgia
Observation, not old age, brings wisdom.
Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Ocean:|| A body of water occupying about| two-thirds of a world made for man-| who has no gills.
Of all forms of caution,|caution in love is the most fatal.
Often statistics are used|as a drunken man uses lamp posts-|for support rather than illumination.
Oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home.
Oh, it's you again.
Oh, what tangled webs we weave|When we first practice to deceive.||- Sir Walter Scott
Oil will be discovered in your backyard.
Oil will be discovered in your backyard,|and the taxes will bankrupt you.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Old Russian Proverb: There is no such thing as an ugly woman....| only a shortage of vodka.
Old age and treachery always win over youth and honesty.
Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.| -- Trotsky
Old doughnut makers never die,|they just get tired of the hole business.
Old frogs never die...| but they do croak.
Old men are fond of giving|good advice to console themselves|for their inability to give bad examples.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old people shouldn't eat health foods,|they need all the preservatives they can get.|| - Robert Orben
Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Omniscience: Talking only about things you know about.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:|"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong." -- Wolfgang Pauli
On y soit, qui mal y pense.|(You are what you think.)
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Once made equal to man,|woman becomes his superior.||- Socrates
Once the word is out of your mouth, you can't swallow it back.| -- Russian proverb
Once, adv.: Enough.
One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
One Bell System -- it works.
One big pile is better than two little piles. --Arlo Guthrie
One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet|when well oiled.
One family builds a wall,|two families enjoy it.
One lie or one peanut...| one leads to another.
One man tells a falsehood,|a hundred repeat it as true.
One man's constant is another man's variable.
One meets her destiny often on the road she takes to avoid it.
One more such victory, and we are lost. --Pyrrus
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
One of t' flayrods gone out of skew on t' treadle.
One of these days is none of these days.
One of you files 'as got a little rat in it.
One person tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
One person's constant is|another person's variable.||- Susan Gerhart| Micorelectronics and| Computer Technology Corp
One person's error is another person's data.
One thing leads to another, and usually does.
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
Only a ballplayer's errors| are published every day.
Only a sadistic scoundrel- or a fool-|tells the bald truth on social occasions.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
Only authorized OOMPAH LOOMPAS beyond this point.
Only fools say it can't be done.
Only those who attempt the absurd achieve the impossible.
Opportunity knocks but once.
Optimization hinders evolution.
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.
Our bodies are our gardens, to which|our wills are gardeners.||- William Shakespeare
Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars,|but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good|we oft might win by fearing to attempt.||- William Shakespeare
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Ours is a world where people|don't know what they want and|are willing to go through hell to get it.
Out of sight is out of mind.
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
Over the hill:||When your back goes out|more than you do.
PI seconds is a nanocentury.||- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
Paranoia: A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
Parkinson's Second Law:|| Expenditures rise to meet income.
Parkinson's First Law:|| Work expands to fill the| time available for its completion.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
Pas de problem.
Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.| -- Eric Hoffer
Password:
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Patience comes to those who wait
Patience is something that you admire|greatly in the driver behind you|but not in the one ahead of you.
Pauca sed matura. (Few but excellent.) --Gauss
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
People humiliating a salami!
People only notice squeaky wheels.
People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. --Ken Kesey
People usually get what's coming to them...unless it's been mailed.
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. --Jon Bentley
People who have no faults are terrible;|there is no way of taking advantage of them.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
Performance is easier to add than clarity.
Peter's hungry, time to eat lunch.
Philosophy: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
Physicists do it with charm
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Please deposit 25 cents for the next login session.
Please fasten seat belts.
Please go away.
Please ignore previous fortune.
Please insert another quarter|and try again.
Please write new fortunes. Please. Pretty please.
Plus ca change,|plus c'est la meme chose.
Politics consists of deals and ideals.
Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Possessions create pain.
Postmen never die.|They just lose their zip.
Power does not corrupt fools,| but fools corrupt power.
Power does not corrupt fools,|but fools corrupt power.
Power is poison.
Practiss makes perfict.
Pray for what you want|but work for what you need.
Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. -- Russian proverb
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Preserve the old, but know the new.
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
Prevent security leaks.
Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance.
Pro is to con as|progress is to Congress.
Probable-Possible, my black hen,|She lays eggs in the Relative When.|She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now|Because she's unable to postulate how.| -- Frederick Winsor
Problems worthy of attack|Prove their worth by hitting back.||-- Piet Hein
Procrastinators do it tomorrow.
Profanity is the one language|all programmers know best.||- Troutman's Second| Programming Postulate
Professor: One who talks in someone else's sleep.
Program complexity grows until|it exceeds the capability of the|programmer who must maintain it.
Programmers do it bit by bit.
Prolonged contact with computers|turns mathematicians into clerks|and vice versa.
Promptness is its own reward,|if one lives by the clock|instead of the sword.
Proper treatment can cure|a cold in seven days-|but left to itself|it'll hang on for a week.
Pros are people who do jobs well|even when they don't feel like it.
Prosperity is when your conversation changes|from car pools to swimming pools.
Protect your software at all costs -- all else is meat.
Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
Put all your eggs in one basket and then WATCH THAT BASKET! - Twain
Put not your trust in money,|but put your money in trust.
Put your Nose to the Grindstone!| -- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
Put your brain in gear|before starting your mouth.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?|A: Three. One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all those| Californians trying to share the experience.
Qu'est-ce qui se passe?
Quack!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quark! Quark! Beware the quantum duck!
Quick Robin, to the Batcopter.
Quick Robin, to the Batcave.
Quick Robin, hand me the shark repellent.
Quick Robin, to the Batmobile.
Quick Robin, hand me the Baterang.
Quick Robin, hand me the Batrope.
Quick Robin, to the Batboat.
Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
Quit playing and work for once!
Quit working and play for once!
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
Reactive is waiting for disasters; proactive is preventing disasters.
Reactive is putting out brush fires; proactive is problem solving.
Read the best books first or|you may not have a change to|read them at all.||- Thoreau
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
Real men don't eat anything. They just drink.
Real wealth can only increase. --R. Buckminster Fuller
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
Reality is a crutch for people|who can't handle science fiction.
Reality is: Sit down, shut up, and pass the popcorn.
Receipt being printed...|Pull out card and remove your cash.
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
Remember that two wrongs|do not make a right-|but that three lefts do.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Remember them as they were and write them off. --Ernest Hemingway
Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be|worse in Cleveland.
Remember, DOS spelled backwards is SOD.
Remember, PCTCP spelled backwards is PCTCP.
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Remember, even if you|win the rat race-|you're still a rat.
Remember, the fact that you're paranoid|doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you!
Remember, the paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Remember, the first three letters of 'DIET' spell 'DIE.'
Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
Reputation:|| What others are not thinking about you.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.| -- Wernher von Braun
Respect must be earned,| not commanded.
Revelation is always|measured by capacity.||- Margaret Fairless Barber
Rosebud!||- Charles Foster Kane (Orson Wells)| in Citizen Kane
Rotate your tires.
Rotten wood can not be carved. -- Confucius
Rule of Creative Research:| 1) Never draw what you can copy.| 2) Never copy what you can trace.| 3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
Rule of Defactualization:|Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
Rumor is a pipe blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures.||- William Shakespeare
Running a business is about|95% people and 5% economics.
SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards.
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
SMILE ... God loves you ... but don't screw up.
SOFTWARE -- formal evening attire for female computer analysts.
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
Safe Boating Checklist: Avoid Fires and Explosions
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Satire does not look pretty|upon a tombstone.
Sattinger's Law:|| It works better if you plug it in.
Save energy: Drive a smaller shell.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Save gas, don't use the shell.
Save gas, don't eat fruit.
Save gas, don't eat beans.
Save yourself! Reboot in 5 seconds!
Save yourself! Yell "Save Me Lord" at the top of your lungs.
Say no, then negotiate. --Helga
Say nothing, and they think you're stupid.|Talk, and they know for sure.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Science is material. Religion is immaterial.
Scotty, beam me up a double!
Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
Second Rule of Bicycling: They're all out to get you.
Security is the individual's responsibility.
Security is your responsibility.
Semiconductor: part time band leader
Serendipity: The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
Sevareid's Law:|| The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Sex is not the answer.|Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Shanahan's Law:|| The length of a meeting rises| with the square of the number of people present.
Shared pain is lessened;|shared joy is increased.
She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
Shift to the left,|shift to the right,|mask in, mask out,|BYTE, BYTE, BYTE !!!
Show me a man who is a good loser|and I'll show you a man who is playing|golf with his boss.
Show me someone who says money can't buy happiness,|and I'll show you a poor moron.
Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change.
Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.| -- from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
Silence cannot be misquoted.
Simon's Law: Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
Sin has many tools, but a lie|is the handle which fits them all.
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are not using deoderant.
Smattering of everything and|a knowledge of nothing.
Smile, it makes the world wonder what you are up to.
Snow Day -- stay home.
So I suppose a rugby player's valise is a scrum-bag?
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
So many times those who have nothing to say|cannot be persuaded to remain silent.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre,|but they are more deadly in the long run.
Sodd's Second Law:| Sooner or later, the worst possible set| of circumstances is bound to occur.
Solitude:||A great place to visit,|but a bad place to stay.
Some men are discovered;|others are found out.
Some of us learn from other peoples' errors.|The rest must be the other people.
Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
Some people wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
Some rise by sin|and some by virtue fall.
Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers|so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Sometimes it takes wisdom to stop beating your head against the wall.
Sooner will men hold fire in their mouths than keep a secret.
Space is to place as eternity is to time. --Joseph Joubert
Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve.| --Wheeler
Speed doesn't kill. Stopping very fast kills.
Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
Spinster: A bachelor's wife.
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
Stalin's grave was a communist plot.
Stand and Deliver!
Statisticians probably do it.
Statisticians do it with 95% confidence.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
Stop searching happiness|it's just next to you.
Strategy is when you keep firing|so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
Streakers repent! Your end is in sight.
Sturgeon's Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud.
Success has a thousand fathers,|but failure is an orphan.
Success is getting up just one more time than you've fallen down.
Success is a journey, not a destination.
Success isn't how far you got,|but the distance you travelled|from where you started.
Success means getting up|just one more time than|you've fallen down.
Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring.
Sure, 90% of all software is crap.|That's because 90% of everything is crap.||- Mary Shaw| Carnegie-Mellon University
Surprise due today. Also the rent.
Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
Sweer's Impossibility Theorem:|| Nothing can be both completely| general and internally consistent| at the same time.
Swipple's Rule of Order: He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colons.
System going down indefinitely, please log off!
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
System-independent: Works equally poorly on all systems.
THIS IS A TEST
TV is chewing gum for the eyes. -- Frank Lloyd Wright
Tabernac.
Tact is after all a kind|of mind reading.||- Sarah Orne Jewett
Tact is rubbing out another's|mistake instead of rubbing it in.
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
Tact is, after all, a kind|of mind reading.||- Sarah Orne Jewett
Take care of the luxuries and|the necessities will|take care of themselves.
Take care of the luxuries and the|necessities will take care of themselves.
Take heart amid the deepening gloom|that your dog is finally getting enough cheese
Take what you can use and let the rest go by. --Kesey
Talk is cheap|unless you hire a lawyer.
Tax reform means|"Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."| -- Russell Long
Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Teachers have class.
Teaching a pig to sing|wastes your time and|only annoys the pig.
Tell a child he got 1 right,| not 99 wrong.
Tell me again how lucky I am to work here... I keep forgetting
Tell me now before I spend $20 on Drinks.
Tempus Fugit (time flies)
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
That which is incapable of proof itself is not proof of anything else.| -Shelley
That's one small step for a man;|one giant leap for mankind.| --Neil Armstrong
That's what she said.
The $64,000 question .. Why SHOULD someone buy a UNIX system?
The DREA Law:|| Under the most rigorously controlled| conditions, the experimental apparatus| will do exactly as it pleases.
The Divinity 2000 supermicro comes with virtuous memory.
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
The Law of Selective Gravity|(The Buttered Side Down Law):|| An object will fall so| as to do the most damage.
The Maintainer's Motto:|| If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.||- Lt. Col. Walt Weir, USA
The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:| Support your right to bare arms!
The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
The Tao person|lives fully in every moment
The Universe is laughing behind your back
The Universe is populated by stable things. --Richard Dawkins
The answers to prayers are usually found in those who pray.
The attacker must vanquish;|the defender need only survive.
The attempt to understand the universe|is one of the only things that elevates|the human condition from farce to|the elegance of tragedy.||- Steven Weinberg| Nobel Laureate in Physics 1979
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
The average woman would rather|have beauty than brains, because|the average man can see better|than he can think.
The bearing of a child takes nine months,|no matter how many women are assigned to the project.
The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";|but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
The best cure for insomnia|is a Monday morning.||- Sandy Cooley
The best labor saving device is tomorrow.
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal. --Blair
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
The best way to keep your friends|is not to give them away.
The best way to find something is to look for something else.
The biggest mistake that you can make|is to believe that you are working|for somebody else.
The biggest mistake is not learning from all your other mistakes.
The birds and the bees are not Vulcans, captain!
The cheapest, fastest and most|reliable components of a computer|system are those that aren't there.||- Gordon Bell| Encore Computer Corp
The computer is mightier than|the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
The cost of liberty is less than the price of oppression.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
The cow is nothing but a machine|with makes grass fit for us people to eat.||- John McNulty
The cow may be black, but the milk comes out white. -- Russian proverb
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
The degree of civilization in a society|can be judged by entering its prisons.
The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
The difference between|ideas and results|is a good manager.
The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
The door is the key.
The early worm gets the late bird.
The early worm gets the bird.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
The ends justify the means.
The entire sum of existence is|the magic of being needed by|just one person.||- Vii Putnam
The expert is a person who avoids the small errors|as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
The eyes believe themselves;|the ears believe other people.
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
The first forty years of life give us the text;|the next thirty supply the commentary on it.
The first thing I do every morning|is check the Forbe's list of the 500 richest men in the country.|If my name isn't on the list, then I go to work.
The first version always gets thrown away.
The following statement is not true:
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
The future isn't what it used to be. (It never was.)
The future isn't what it used to be. It never was.
The future is his who knows how to wait. -- Russian proverb
The future is purchased by the present.||- Samuel Johnson
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
The goal of science is to build|better mousetraps. The goal of nature|is to build better mice.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.|The goal of nature is to build better mice.
The goal of Computer Science is to build something|that will last at least until we've finished building it.
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
The groundwork of all happiness is health.||- Leigh Hunt
The hardest thing is to disguise|your feelings when you put a lot|of relatives on the train for home.
The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue,|a custom whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to|the contrary, nohow.
The highest happiness of|man is to have probed what|is knowable and quietly to|revere what is unknowable||- Goethe
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity.|The rest is overhead for the operating system.
The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
The individual choice of garnishment of a burger|can be an important point to the consumer|in this day when individualism is an increasingly|important thing to people.| -- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
The job's not over|until the paperwork's done.
The joy of a young person will be shared with you.
The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
The least experienced fisherman|always catches the biggest fish.
The less time planning, the more time programming.
The life which is unexamined|is not worth living.||- Plato
The light of a hundred stars|does not equal the light of the moon.
The man who smiles when things go wrong|has thought of someone to blame it on.
The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
The minute a man is convinced|that he is interesting, he isn't.
The more things change,|the more they'll never be the same again.
The more things change, the more they remain the same.
The more you run over a dead cat,|the flatter it gets.
The more you say,|the less people remember.
The more you cultivate people the more you turn up clods.
The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.
The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
The only difference|between your girlfriend and a barracuda|is the nailpolish.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their size.
The only dope worth shooting is Nixon.
The only feeling warmer than friendship is that of an old love.
The only food for thought is more thought. --Peter Ustinov
The only good thing about jogging is stopping.
The only good bug is a dead bug.
The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.| --Phaedrus
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that|I could hear heavy breathing again|| - Erma Bombeck
The only reason some people get lost|in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.||- Paul Fix
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
The only short meetings|are when no one shows up.
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.|It is never any use to one self.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The optimum committee has no members. --Norman Augustine
The past does not repeat itself,|but it rhymes.||- Mark Twain
The person who wakes up|and finds himself a success|hasn't been asleep.
The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
The plural of spouse is spice.
The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
The present time has one advantage over every other. It is our own.| --Colton
The price of greatness is responsibility.
The principal mark of genius|is not perfection but originality,|the opening of new frontiers.||- Arthur Koestler
The probability of jelly toast landing jelly side down is|directly proportional to the cost of the carpeting.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.| -Lichtenburg
The reason the government thinks you're just a number|is because it's just a machine.
The right to do something does|not mean that doing it is right.||- William Safire
The road to ruin is always in good repair,|and the travelers pay the expense of it.
The rooster may crow,|but the hen delivers.
The root purpose of government is to enable public goods.
The rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated.
The shortage will be divided among the poor. -- Russian proverb
The shortest distance between|two points is under construction.
The shortest distance between|two points is under construction. - Noelie Altito
The slower you drive, the farther you get. -- Russian proverb
The smallest of good deeds exceeds the greatest of good intentions.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem. --Peer
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the| perpendicular sides, or thereabouts. -- Pythagoras, and friends
The structure of a system reflects|the structure of the organization|that built it.||- Richard Fairley, Wang Institute
The superfluous is very necessary. -- Voltaire
The system is not quite as rickety|as I have been telling you.||- Ralph Gorin
The system call getiud keeps processes from spawning.
The thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.
The three best ways to get where you want to go are:|persist, persist, persist.
The time is right to make new friends.
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
The trouble with doing something right the first time|is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The truth of a proposition|has nothing to do with its credibility.|And vice versa.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The unknown always passes for the marvelous. --Tacitus
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
The way to make a small fortune|in the commodities market is to|start with a large fortune.
The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be|what you desire to appear.||- Socrates
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
The wise shepherd never trusts|his flock to a smiling wolf.
The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful| -- Frederick Locker-Lampson
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them,|but to be indifferent to them,|that's the essence of inhumanity.
The years teach us much|the days never knew.||- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
There are few people more|often in the wrong than those|who cannot endure to be thought so.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are more old drunkards|than old doctors.
There are no answers, only cross-references. --Weiner
There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe. --Baba Ram Dass
There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
There are people so addicted to exaggeration|that they can't tell the truth with out lying.
There are two ways to write error-free programs;|only the third one works.
There are two kinds of people in this world:|Those that want to BE something,|and those that want to DO something.|(There is less competition in the second category.)
There can never be a computer language|in which you can't write a bad program.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.| -- Henry Kissinger
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know|nothing about.
There is a theory which states|that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the|Universe is for and why it is here,|it will instantly disappear and be replaced|by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.|There is another theory which states that|this has already happened.|| -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
There is a true and sincere friendship between the two of us.
There is a fly on your Dimension!
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.| -- Mark Twain
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
There is no sin but ignorance. -- Christopher Marlowe
There is no force of gravity as such.|Rather, a celestial body|merely pays attention to what|it finds in its neighborhood.||- Einstein
There is no proverb that is not true. -- Cervantes
There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
There is no time like the pleasant.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about,|and that is not being talked about.| -- Oscar Wilde
There is safety in anonymity.
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale|returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.| -- Mark Twain
There must be an easier way of doing this.
There never was a good war or a bad peace.
There once was a girl named Irene|Who lived on distilled kerosene| But she started absorbin'| A new hydrocarbon|And since then has never benzene.
There seems no plan because it is all plan. --C. S. Lewis
There was a young lady from Hyde|Who ate a green apple and died.| While her lover lamented| The apple fermented|And made cider inside her inside.
There would be no progress without|deviation from the norm.|| - Frank Zappa
There would be no progress without|deviation from the norm.||- Frank Zappa
There's a sucker born every minute.||- P.T. Barnum
There's a vas deferens between men and women.
There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle! --Doug Clifford
There's always one more bug.
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
There's another dead bishop on the landing ..... appaling.
There's at least one fool|in every married couple.
There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
There's never time to do it right,|only time to do it over.
There's no such thing as bad sex. Only varying degrees of good.
There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.| -- Dr. Who
There's no future in time travel.
There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
There's no time like the pleasant.
There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
There's no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
There's only one way to have a happy marriage|and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.| -- Clint Eastwood
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
These bull sessions are too long and too loud.
These days govt. is a four letter word.
They also surf who only stand on waves.
They are able because they|think they are able.||- Virgil
They just buzzed and buzzed.....buzzed.
They who provide much wealth for their children|but neglect to improve them in virtue,|do like those who feed their horses high,|but never train them to be useful.||- Socrates
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Things are more like they used|to be than they are now.
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
Think globally; act locally. --Rene Dubos
Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself. --Plato
Thinking is wise.|Planning is better.|Doing is best.
Third Law of Advice:|| Simple advice is the best advice.
This fortune void in Vermont.
This fortune is subject to change without notice.
This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
This fortune intentionally not included.
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
This is a good time to punt work.
This login session: $13.99
This screen intentionally left blank.
Those of you who think you know|everything are annoying those of us who do.
Those who are not shocked when they|first come across quantum theory,|cannot possibly have understood it.||- Neils Bohr
Those who are war with others|are not at peace with themselves.||- William Hazlitt
Those who are at war with others|are not at peace with themselves.||- William Hazlitt
Those who can, do.|Those who can't, simulate.
Those who can, do.|Those who can't, teach.|Those who can't teach, administrate.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, program.
Those who can't write, write manuals.
Those who do the most|usually demand the least.
Those who flee temptation|generally leave a forwarding address.||- Lane Olinghouse
Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.
Those who know, do not say; those who say, do not know.
Those who talk, don't know. Those who don't talk, know.
Three can keep a secret,|if two of them are dead.
Tilting at windmills|hurts you more than the windmills.
Time and tide wait for no man.
Time flies like an arrow;|fruit flies like a banana.||- Groucho Marx
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time for lunch!
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. --Henry David Thoreau
Time is nature's way of making sure|that everything doesn't happen at once.
Time is nature's way of|making sure that everything|doesn't happen at once.
Time is the image of eternity.||- Diogenes
Time travel may be fun,|but there's no future in it.
Time's fun when you're having flies.
To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle.
To be great is to be misunderstood.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
To communicate is the beginning of understanding. --AT&T
To do nothing|is in every man's power.
To each his own and to you so long.
To err is human.|To blame it on someone else|is more human.
To err is human-|to blame it on a computer|is even more so.
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
To extend your limits, you must push them... and it often hurts.
To get a loan|you must prove|you don't need it.
To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure.
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
To keep milk from turning sour you should keep it in the cow.
To keep your friends treat them kindly;|to kill them, treat them often.
To know thyself is the ultimate form of aggression.
To laugh at men of sense|is the privilege of fools.
To love is wise; to hate is foolish. --Bertrand Russell
To pity is a degree of love.
To prosper, step softly on new blades of grass.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
To regret nothing|is the beginning of wisdom.
To teach is to learn.
To think too long about doing|a thing often becomes its undoing.||- Eva Young
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the last day of the past of your life.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
Today's newspapers will be wrapping tomorrow's fish.
Today's special, two fortunes for the price of one.
Today's special, three fortunes for the price of one.
Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Too busy to laugh?|Then you're too busy.
Too clever is dumb. --Ogden Nash
Too much is not enough.
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -- Mae West
Too much of a good thing|can be wonderful.
Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!
Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
Trifles make perfection and|perfection is no trifle.||- Michelangelo
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
Truly simple systems ... require infinite testing. --Norman Augustine
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel anyway.
Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Trying to squash a rumor|is like trying to un-ring a bell.||- Shana Alexander
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
Tuna Biting Off Washington Coast!
Turn the other cheek. -- Jesus Christ
Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long. -- Howard Kandel
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
Two is not equal to three, even for large values of two.
Two wrongs are only the beginning. --Kohn
Two wrongs do not make a right: |it usually takes three or more.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights can make an airplane.
UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
UNIX is many things to many people,|but it's never been everything to anybody.
Unix soit qui mal y pense.
Unless you're the lead horse, the view is always the same.
Unwritten laws can not be erased.
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
Use debugging compilers.
Use free-form input where possible.
Use it or lose it.
Use library functions.
Use the simplest solution which suffices.
Values are caught, not taught. --Dobson
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
Violence is the last refuge|of the incompetent.||- Salvador Hardin
Virtue is its own punishment.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality|by spontaneously moving from where you left them|to where you can't find them.
Volcano: A mountain with hiccups.
WARNING: SYSTEM OVERLOAD, CORE MELTDOWN IMMINENT!
Wag your tongue as much as you please, but don't wave your gun.| -- Russian proverb
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"|1st customer: "I'll have tea."|2nd customer: "Me, too -- and be sure the glass is clean!"| (Waiter exits, returns)|Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?"
Walk softly and carry a big stick. -- Theodore Roosevelt
Wanna learn about spoolers? The queue forms to the left.
Want to forget all your troubles?| Wear tight shoes.
Ward, you were a little rough on the Beaver last night.
Warning: I brake for hallucinations.
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
We ain't afraid of no code.
We all have style, but few have class.
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
We always might win ... because the others might lose.
We are all related: the same sun dries our rags. -- Russian proverb
We are always the same age inside.
We are anthill men upon an anthill world. --Ray Bradbury
We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. -- Pogo
We are not the world.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
We are tied down to a|language which makes up|in obscurity what it|lacks in style.
We are what we do;|consequently, excellence is not an act but a habit.||-- Aristotle
We are what we pretend to be. --Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it. --Yates
We can't change, but we can expand. --Nelson
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
We didn't inherit the land| from our fathers.|We are borrowing it from| our children.||- Amish Belief
We do not remember days; we remember moments.
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
We have met the enemy|and not only is he ours,|he is us.||- Walt Kelly
We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
We learn from history that|we don't learn from history.
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
We make coffee the old fashioned way ... we urn it!
We may not imagine how our lives|could be more frustrating and|complex- but Congress can.||- Cullen Hightower
We must remember the First Amendment|which protects any shrill jackass|no matter how self-seeking.
We prefer to speak evil|of ourselves than not speak|of ourselves at all.
We promise according to|our hopes, and perform|according to our fears.
We read to say that we have read.
We really don't have any|enemies. It's just that some|of our best friends|are trying to kill us.
We will release no software before its time.
Wealth awaits you in a land far from your birthplace.
Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten.|(He who laughs last laughs best)
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule:|| Estimate the time you think| it should take, multiply by 2,| add 3, and change the unit of| measure to the next higher unit.
What a strange game.|The only winning move is not to play.| -- WOPR, War Games
What awful irony is this? We are as gods, but know it not.
What do bank tellers tell? And to whom do they tell it?
What do restaurants do with frog arms?
What do you add to instant water?
What do you call a nut that has a cold .... cashew!
What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?| Not enough sand.
What excuses stand in your way? How can you eliminate them?| --Roger von Oech
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What good is honor on an empty stomach? -- Russian proverb
What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.
What is a man, if his chief good and market of his time,|be but to sleep and feed? A beast, no more!||- William Shakespeare
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
What is valuable is not new,|but what is new is not valuable.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
What makes us so bitter against|people who outwit us is that they|think themselves cleverer than we are.
What no spouse of a writer can|ever understand is that a writer|is working when he's staring|out the window.
What orators lack in depth|they make up in length.
What passes for woman's intuition|is often nothing more than|man's transparency.
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
What the hell? is often the best decision to make.
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
What we have here, is a failure to communicate.
What we love we shall grow to resemble.||- Bernard of Clairvaux
What we need is an enthusiastic but calm state of mind and|intense but orderly work. -- Mao Tse-Tung
What would Binky do?
What you are,|not what you have,|is what makes you rich.
What you don't know can't hurt you.
What you see can depend|on what you look for.
What's purple and commutes? - An abelian grape.
What's the job charge for reading these things?
Whatever you have lost will be found|but not for a while.
When God endowed human beings|with brains, He did not intend|to guarantee them.
When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public|property. -- Thomas Jefferson
When a man's willing and eager,|the gods join in.||- Aeschylus
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When choosing between two evils,|always try the one you have never tried before.
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
When in doubt, use brute force.||- Ken Thompson, Bell Labs
When in doubt, lead trump.
When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
When it comes to giving,|some people stop at nothing.
When it comes to Moosehead, is it better to give than to receive?
When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
When money talks|there are few interruptions.
When the fox preaches,|beware of the geese.
When the going gets tough, the tough take drugs.
When the government bureau's|remedies do not match your problem,|you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. --Lynch
When the need arises, anything within reach becomes a hammer.
When the wind is great, bow before it;|when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
When working toward the solution|of a problem, it always helps|if you know the answer.
When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
When you become used to|never being alone, you may|consider yourself Americanized.
When you breathe you inspire. When you do not breathe you expire.
When you don't talk, things get awfully quiet. --Martha Hartly
When you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
When you get what you want,|you don't want it as much.
When you go out to buy,|don't show your silver.
When you kill time|you murder success.
When you live close to the graveyard, you can't weep for every funeral.| -- Russian proverb
When you save for a long time|to buy something, then you find|that you can't afford it-|that's inflation.
When you try to make an|impression, the chances are|that is the impression|you will make.
When you've seen one non-sequitar, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
When your work speaks|for itself, don't interrupt.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards.|No one can say what is good or bad,|although you can be sure that everyone will.| -- John Kenneth Galbraith
Where is Denver? Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
Where there's a will,|there's inheritance tax.
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Where's my assignment? The dog ate it.
While money can't buy happiness,|it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
Whiskey is just God's way of making sure|the Irish never rule the world.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Who are you?
Who jump-started your brain today?
Who knows what the Queen carries in her purse.
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
Who's on first?
Whoever dies with the most toys wins.
Whoever rows the boat|doesn't have time to rock it.
Whom computers would destroy,|they must first drive insane.
Why can't life's big problems|come when we are twenty|and know everything?
Why did the Roman Empire collapse?|What's the Latin for office automation?
Why go to Heaven? None of your friends will be there.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?|It is because we are not the person involved.| -- Mark Twain
Williams and Holland's Law:| If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by| statistical methods.
Win without boasting|and lose without excuse.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
Winter is the season in which|people try to keep the house|as warm as it was in the summer,|when they complained about the heat.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
Wisdom:||Knowing what to do|with what you know.
Wise men change their minds,|fools never.
With a rubber duck, one's never alone.| -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
With clothes the new are best,|with friends the old are best.
Within a computer, natural language is unnatural.
Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.
Without fools|there would be no wisdom.
Won't you come home Bill Bailey, won't you come home.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Words must be weighed,|not counted.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
Work expands to fill the time allotted to it. --Parkinson
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Wovon man nicht sprechen kann,|darueber muss man schweigen.||-- Wittgenstein
Wrinkles are sure signs of|where smiles have been.
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Yamata wasami shuza.
Yes, I AM out to get you!
Yes, fish think, but too slowly.
Yesterday I saw a man with wooden legs and real feet.
Yesterday I was a dog.|Today I'm a dog.|Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.|Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.| -- Snoopy
Yield to Temptation...it may not pass your way again. -- Lazarus Long
Yooou Look Mahvelous!
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
You always find what you're looking for in the last place you look.
You are a bad person.
You are a fluke of the universe.
You are a fluke of the Universe;|You have no right to here.|Whether you believe it or not,|the Universe is laughing behind your back.
You are a wish to be here wishing yourself. --Philip Whalen
You are being paged.
You are better off not knowing|how sausages and laws are made.
You are going to have a new love affair.
You are not expected to understand this.
You are not thinking.|You are merely being logical.||- Neils Bohr to Einstein| during a debate on Quantum Mechanics
You are only young once, then you need another reason to act foolish.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
You are the only authority on what is best for you. --Hugh Prather
You are young only once, but you have a lifetime to be immature.
You auto buy now.
You can create your own opportunities this week.|Blackmail a senior executive.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun|than you can with only a kind word.
You can fool some of the people all of the time,|and all of the people some of the time,|but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
You can go wrong by being|too skeptical as readily|as by being too trusting.
You can go home now, I can finish this without you.
You can never do just one thing. --Hardin
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
You can pick your friends,|and you can pick your nose,|but you can't pick your friend's nose.
You can rent this profound space for only $5 a week.
You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
You can't drive straight on a twisting road. -- Russian proverb
You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.| -- Richard Nixon [1952]
You can't fall off the floor. --Paul
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
You can't pick a mushroom without bowing. -- Russian proverb
You can't teach ducks to dance.
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. --Thoreau
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You cannot kill time|without injuring eternity.
You could be playing a video game instead.
You do not have mail.
You don't get a fortune!
You don't have to rehearse to be yourself.
You don't have to call me darlin', darlin'.
You don't want to know what I know.
You fill a much-needed gap.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
You have a tendency to pursue sleazy women and drink cheap booze.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
You have been swapped out.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have both the desire and ability to express|your many talents and abilities.
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
You have nail.
You have taken yourself too seriously.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
You know it's going to be a bad day|when you wake up face down on the pavement.
You live and you learn-|or you don't live long.
You live in a deranged age, more deranged|that usual, because in spite of great|scientific and technological advances,|man has not the faintest idea of|who he is or what he is doing.||- Walker Percy
You look tired.
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
You may have to be patient now.|Think, listen and heed signs.
You may have mail.
You never get a hangover from other people's vodka. -- Russian proverb
You never gain something but that you lose something. --Thoreau
You never talk dirty to me.
You now have Asian Flu.
You obviously have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
You only live once but, if you live right, once is enough.
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for|freedom and liberty. -- Henrick Ibson
You should have been a lawyer.
You should have been a dentist.
You should have been a fireman.
You should have been a farmer.
You should have been a fisherman.
You should have been a doctor.
You should have been a policeman.
You should have been an explorer.
You should have been a hunter.
You should have been a newt.
You should go home.
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
You will have mail.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
You will never know hunger.
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
You worry too much about your job.|Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
You'll be sent to Siberia to count the birches. -- Russian proverb
You'll find it all at Greeley Mall. --Radio advertisement
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
You're at the end of the road again.
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You're going to have a bad day. Really bad.
You're in the mood to explore new horizons.
You're never a failure|until you quit.
You're no fun, you fell right over.
You're not paranoid if they're really after you...
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
Your check is in the mail.
Your code should be more efficient!
Your computer account is overdrawn. Please reauthorize.
Your dearest wish will come true.
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
Your expectations will be realized.
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
Your future is all ahead of you!
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
Your karma just ran over my dogma.
Your last gessage was mighly harbled.
Your salary will be increased.
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
Youth is the trustee of posterity.
Youth is when you blame all your troubles on your parents;|maturity is when you learn that everything|is the fault of the younger generation.
